Half Marathon Training is Hard- A Definite Understatement

I’ve officially started to “train” for the Rock and Roll half marathon in November and lets just say its been super hard since I live in the desert and the average is 100 degrees. Why would I want to run 13.1 miles for fun, you may ask? I have no idea. A lot of the reasons for why I run have to do with self-acceptance and self-love, but running a half marathon would be the start of a whole new relationship with running; a relationship I believe I’m ready for. That relationship is one of commitment. I know, I know- commitment. What the hell is that? It’s something that I usually run away from, but this time I’m running towards it and it feels glorious.

I’ve read numerous articles since buying my way into the race- blood blisters, chafing until you bleed, toenails falling off, cramping, and numerous other fun things that happen to your body and sometimes I’m super hyped about it and other times I start to freak out. Can I really do it? Will my body give out?  Will I be able to do it in less than 3 hours? Will I even be able to finish the race? The answer is yes, I can. Only 24 miles for June as of today, but I’m hoping to get to thirty by Saturday and have at least 10 miles for the weekend… we’ll see how it goes. Happy running!

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Moving Mountains

This post was going to be about my first hike at Mount Charleston and it is going to be because I refuse to keep going back and forth between the past and the present.

P.S. I really need to stop being so pathetic.

P.S.S. I really did go hiking and I really was going to write a post about it. Here’s proof:FullSizeRender (2)

Thank You, Universe

These last few months have been crazy. After reading my second to last post, my mind is blown by how real all of that became after I wrote it. In August 2016, I applied for a supervisor position and did not get it. In February 2017, I went to get my taxes done at my aunt’s tax company and my cousin and I talked about her job at NV Energy. In March 2017, I applied for NV Energy. In April 2017, I interviewed for the position and in May 2017 I started my new position at NV Energy. From failure comes opportunity for success. I’ve grown so much in the year or so since the break up. I didn’t think I realized how much Alex breaking up with me would affect me, but I can’t say I’m mad when it affected me in the most positive of ways.

To The People Who Continue To Love Us When We Are At Our Worst — Thought Catalog

criene To all the people who still love us at our most vulnerable, and at our most hideous state, thank you. Thank you for telling us to get the fuck up when we are wasting our days crying in our beds. Thank you for giving us tough love when you know we need it most.…

via To The People Who Continue To Love Us When We Are At Our Worst — Thought Catalog

This Life that I’ve Created…

I believe that everything happens for a reason- that there exists within time a culmination of magnets that attract you to specific people, places, and opportunities. These magnets are essentially the energy you project into the universe. You attract what you want from the universe. It seems hokey, I know. To be honest, I don’t talk about it often with people unless they’ve proven to believe in something similar. Anyway, this belief is a definite force in my life when it comes to the decisions I make. Sometimes, I’ll be honest, these decisions are irrational and not well thought out, grandiose and impossible to execute and, yet, I make them. Sometimes, I’ll be honest, they work out. I got to live in another state and go to my dream school. I got to fall in love, get my heartbroken, and was able to learn how I deal with both. I got the sweetest first job and met lifelong friends working there and continue to get paid an exorbitant amount of money to do something I never imagined I’d do. It all seems surreal sometimes, like one thing led to another and boom two years have gone by and I’m dizzy with the thought of…what next? What could possibly be in my path now? What path is slowly attracting me to it? It’s a very meta thing for me to think about. There are times when I’ll think about it and get so overwhelmed by the enormity of my next move that I just stay there. But I think the countdown has started and it’s my move….

Seattle

I spent 4 days and 3 nights in Seattle and the experience was everything I needed and more. It was refreshing to come “home” to the PNW- a place that fostered my growth and helped me find life-long friends and family. I always feel like a new person when I visit; this time I was someone that didn’t know heartbreak or sadness. I was someone who had not let the cruel words of a boy she thought she loved force her into a shell of the woman she was before. I was someone who was hopeful for the future; someone who didn’t need validation from a man to make her feel worthy. I was me for the first time in a long time. I say that a lot, like I’m constantly reinventing myself in order to feel some type progression. It’s different when you’re a grown up. There are fewer accolades and less grandiose statements one can make. I am left with promotions and building my weath in order to have the ability to do the things I want to the things I want to do, like buy a condo or travel the world. That, to me, can be a bit monotonous. I’m figuring it out though and having fun doing it. To Seattle, I thank you. Thank you from the bottom of my once broken heart.

Oh, Hey, Happiness. It’s Been Awhile…

So I’m sitting in my new fave coffee shop, sipping a delicious cup of coffee with my best friend since 7th grade and for the first time in a very long time (aka 4 months) I am so happy with my life. But in order to understand why I’m happy I’ll have to start with the worst day ever which was yesterday. Obviously, I’ve been super depressed and angry and lost since the break up and it finally culminated and manifested in me breaking down during a one-on-one with my supervisor. I mean, some of it was because people are inadequate at work and don’t do their job, but if I’m honest it mostly had to do with Alex. (I can’t even begin to count the amount of times I’ve cried at work and most of the times had to do with Alex. So freaking annoying.) Anyway, I cried and I expressed to her my frustrations and it was so validating when she calmed my craziness by saying how much she wanted to help and to get me back on track and how I have so much potential and I’m a candidate for another promotion and I know this is a run on sentence, but that’s all I needed. I just needed to feel like I was doing something right, even when everything in my life has felt like I’ve done everything wrong. Feeling like I’m not good enough is when I shut down. People can hate me, people can talk behind my back, I could fail, but when I feel like I’m not good enough I just stop trying. I’m like a zombie who walks around with a fake smile and a fake laugh and I live through the motions of life. Nothing is fulfilling. I don’t sleep. I drink a lot. I hate that girl that I become. It’s sad, but that’s what happened even before the break up. I could feel a little part of myself start to go crazy. He made me feel inadequate, made me question myself and the woman I had worked so hard to become. I’m my worst critic and, if anything, being with him emphasized that I wasn’t good enough for him. It’s sad, but I’ve finally come to a point where I’m not angry or sad I’m just content with it all. It’s like a switch went on and everything seems a little brighter, a little more beautiful. I finally feel back to normal. I mean, I’m sure I may fall off the wagon or I might fall back into the trap of missing him, but I also know that I haven’t felt this way in a long time and the fact that I have felt it will remind me that it gets better. It always gets better.