Loneliness

It’s there again. It comes around every so often when I least expect it and it lingers around until I can’t take it any more. It makes my heart constrict and my stomach turn. It makes me irritable and bitchy. I don’t know what triggered it. Maybe it was dancing with him or her date the other day or my inability to keep my head when thinking about starting a relationship with someone I like. I don’t know what is wrong with me. I want to be with someone, but I don’t want the emotional baggage that comes with it. I want someone to hold me, but I want to be able to leave without feeling tied down. I’m so selfish and picky and judgmental. How could anyone want to be with someone so indecisive and so messy? My life is a mess and I want someone to come and clean it up for me. I want that extra strength and motivation. Is it too much to ask to have someone there for me when I can’t be there for myself? I adore my friends and my family, but this loneliness is of a different kind. It’s lovelorn, but not really because there isn’t someone I’m pining for. There is no one that I’d want to be in relationship with here. I guess that’s pretty problematic. I’d just like to not have to turn to talking to strangers to feel less lonely. I’d just like one night when I’m not wishing for arms to hold me. 

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