What Could Have Been

I like to psyche myself out of happiness. I know, I know. It’s a really nasty habit. My life is pretty damn good as compared to what could have been. My dad could have ignored my mom when she called him from Hawaii to tell him that she was pregnant with me and that it would be for the best if he left Arizona and school and the new life he was building to come back to her and to me. I could have been raised by a single mother and would never have been an older sister to five brothers. Kaneohe would have been my permanent home and I probably would’ve graduated from Castle like my mom and my (absent) dad. I could have been less driven, more social, a little less anal, a lot more rebellious. There’s no way in hell I would’ve known about GU and I probably would’ve gone to some type of community college (which wouldn’t have been a bad thing). The friends I’ve made, the memories I’ve created would’ve been replaced with new friends and new memories. People I thought I’d never forget wouldn’t exist in this life to be able to be forgotten. I can’t say that I wouldn’t have been happy. I mean, the memories and people and experiences we have shape who we are. I wouldn’t be the same girl, but that could have been a good thing…or a bad thing… I guess I’ll never know because this is my life and, for once, I’d like to be happy with it.

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